By Dr. Jennelle KariotisAs part of my work as a Relationship Advisor to members of the Rainbow Community, I regularly share my story as a way to provide a nonjudgmental, safe space for open, honest connection. When I learned about SpeakOUT and its mission to share the experiences of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, and asexual people and their allies—well, let’s just say it spoke to me.I have always believed that it is incredibly important to share the voices of the minority with the majority as a way to educate and build common ground. SpeakOUT’s purpose is to educate through shared experiences, and the organization has been doing this in the Greater Boston area for over 45 years—and doing it damn well, might I add. As someone who has been speaking in front of audiences for pretty much all my life (I was raised in and took a strong affinity to the theater at a young age), I was truly amazed at how much value was packed into the SpeakOUT one-day speaker training. On April 22nd, 24 members of the local “Rainbow Community” came together with one purpose: to learn how to share our stories in a way that inspires, educates, and motivates others towards change and acceptance. Being with so many truth tellers and "hope spreaders" (as Glennon Doyle Melton would call us), was absolutely incredible. Strangers bearing their souls for a greater purpose, paying it forward with every word spoken. And mind you, these stories were as unique as they come—no two were alike. From coming out experiences to issues with family acceptance to fear around cultural tolerance to fitting into the LGBTQ+ spectrum to branching out of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and everything in between. Each of us had a different message but with the same purpose: it’s time to SpeakOUT.As a woman in a same-sex relationship who does not identify with any particular letter of the Rainbow alphabet, I found the SpeakOUT training was also very much about educating within the Rainbow Community. Stories shared from transgender, non-binary, and sexually fluid members (such as myself), allowed for thought-provoking, provocative conversations all day long. Questions were asked that required careful attention and the recognition that we all have a lot to learn from each other. And the opportunity to ask the SpeakOUT panel our most feared questions during a speaking engagement (e.g., “Why are all lesbians so ugly?”) was absolutely priceless. And rest assured, we are now all armed with the cool, calm, collected approach to dealing with even the most difficult of inquiries. As I like to say, kill ‘em with kindness and knock em’ dead with knowledge.In today’s political climate, sharing our everyday experiences with the community at large is so incredibly important. Our stories humanize what the political scene and the media can often demonize. Our greatest assets are our collective voice, we must continue to speak up when it comes to social justice, and the best place to start is with our individual experiences. Let us continue to lead by example and remind everyone that we are everywhere.If you are a member of the local Boston Rainbow Community, find out more about SpeakOUT. You may not think you have a story to tell, but your story may be the one that someone else is waiting to hear. And you will no doubt meet some of the most compassionate, brave, intelligent, supportive people that you will ever come across in this city. We are here, we are queer, and all we need now is for you to lend an ear. To the newly inaugurated SpeakOUT speakers: congratulations on a day of hard work and dedication, and may we each go out and be the change we wish to see in the world.

As a Relationship Advisor, Dr. Jennelle Kariotis offers support, guidance, and advice on the matters of the heart that matter most to you. With over 10+ years of psychology education and a lifetime of personal experience following a nontraditional path, Dr. Jennelle advises through various platforms including a free, private community on Facebook (the Big Change of Heart Community) and her weekly podcast (the Big Change of Heart Podcast. Connect with Dr. Jennelle on Facebook @ Dr. Jennelle or contact her directly here.

By Jess FickI grew up in a conservative community in the midwest. I remember one year students in my high school participated in GLSEN’s Day of Silence. I also remember that there were other students who wore T-shirts that day that said, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” My high school self thought that was pretty witty.When I went to college, I began to examine my belief system. I attended a very conservative Christian university in the south. When the Equality Ride came knocking at our doors, the university responded by setting up events to teach us why homosexuality was a sin and even had a person who ran a conversion therapy camp come and speak to us about how conversion therapy has helped so many people. It made me angry, so I did my own research. I decided that loving the people around me was the most important thing that I could do, no matter their sexual or gender identity. Obviously an evolution from when I thought the joke about Adam and Steve was funny.During my junior year of college, one of my best friends came out to me as a lesbian, and I realized that there was absolutely no way I could respond with anything but love and compassion for how she was feeling. She was obviously feeling out of place at our ultra-conservative university, and as though she couldn’t be herself. We had hours and hours of conversations late into the night, where we talked through her thoughts. She told me about when she knew she was gay (In kindergarten, she wrote a love note to another little girl, not yet knowing that was “outside” of social norms.), and we talked about the ways she was beginning to accept herself. At this time, I knew I needed to be a listener and a loving friend. However, it wasn’t until a few years after I graduated from college that I had a breakthrough in my understanding of true allyship. In my mid-20s, I dealt with a severe bout of depression. I spent a handful of years in therapy working through issues of self-worth. Since then, I have come out on the other side of it, not knowing where I stand on religion, but having realized that I am good (in fact, great) just the way that I am. Furthermore, if there is a God, they would never, ever want me or anyone to feel the way that I did for those few years. By extension, if there is a God, they would never, ever want any LGBTQIA person to feel like they weren’t great exactly as they are. Since then, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to be an ally. I was the opposite of an ally when I thought the whole “Adam and Steve” bit was funny. Although it was a step in the right direction, I was still not an ally when I began to believe that I should love instead of hate someone in the LGBTQIA community. I was beginning to become an ally when I began to listen, learn, and love, and when I had my personal realization about self-worth for all. I now know that to be an ally, it is not enough to simply show this love and compassion to your loved ones.I have learned that I cannot truly be an ally to my friends and loved ones if I am not also fighting against prejudice that impacts them and fighting for their equal rights to marry, have full custody of their children, and be treated without discrimination in the workplace, in hospitals, and in businesses as they go about their daily lives. I have learned that being an ally is not a state of being, but something you do. This is why I am on the board of directors of SpeakOUT. As an organization, we are focused on ending prejudice and discrimination against the LGBTQIA community through changing hearts and minds. As a board member, I support the smooth functioning of the organization, through supporting fundraising, board recruitment, and volunteer speaker trainings. I hope the actions that I am taking to be an ally, even though I am far away geographically from my loved ones, have helped them to feel empowered to more proudly be who they are.

Jess Fick is a transplant from Michigan and joined the SpeakOUT board in the fall of 2015.

Spring Speaker Training Message: It's Time to Speak OUT

Being An Ally Is What You Do, Not Who You Are